I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
