sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
