normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
