i don't like sucking hair
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
