this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
