Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
