we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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