She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
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He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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