I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
