can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
