Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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