It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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