I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
