You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
