and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
