I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
