Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
