I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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