Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
