I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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