They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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