In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
