Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
