margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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