im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
