talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
