Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
