i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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