ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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