Can Purell be used as lube?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize