This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
