I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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