Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
