i just wanna soil my oats bro
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
