Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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