just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're too hungover to prance.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
