So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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