I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
