i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
