Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
