i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
