Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
