My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize