Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
