My first STD was from a foam party
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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