Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
