I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
