I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
