i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
