I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
