Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
