Cold hands, warm shart.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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