you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
