That's when you crack a 10am beer
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
