At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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