Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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