bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
