i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
pray to the hookup gods
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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