Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
