I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
