The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
