You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
