I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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